A minister was completing a temperance sermon.

 With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in
 the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

 With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all
 the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the
 river."

 And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,
 "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it
 and pour it into the river."

 Sermon complete, he sat down.

 The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
 with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
 Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the
 River."

Thanks MG
 

 Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

 One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

    The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'

    The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

    The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

    After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 
  
      'Who drives you to the beach?'

Thanks S.B.

The original point and click interface 
was a Smith & Wesson.

  Five days a week my body is a temple
  The other two it's an amusement park.
 

Question:  Why  do retirees count pennies?
Answer:     They are the only ones who have the  time.  
Thanks Dennis!

 We all need a good laugh now and then.  So, qccruz-news is accepting clean humor. 
 If you would like to submit a (preferably short) joke, e-mail it to
 gbrown@qccruz-news.com